My new cellphone.

I’ve just bought another cell phone. My first in five years.

My new phone makes more sounds than my old phone, and I don't know yet, what all the new sounds mean.  Being an old man, I already had strange noises coming from my body.   Now I have more.

The other day, I was blowing my nose a bit too vigorously causing me to fart.  Then my cell phone rang, scaring me so bad I had to sit down.  I wasn't sure what to expect next.  

I remember when cell phones first came out. I carried on a conversation with a guy at Kroger for five minutes before I discovered that he wasn't even talking to me.  

And I can’t get used to the vibrate mode. It tickles.  I’m close to seventy years old, so, I guess, a little tickle every now and then is a good thing, and I've started calling myself just for the sensation.  

My girlfriend and I call each other with our phones in the vibrate mode, while sharing a glass of wine. Don’t knock it.  You ought to see our selfies.  

cab